I always try to leave home early, especially when I'm the scheduled speaker! Last night I was so glad I did. The road I was traveling was two lanes, with one lane designated as no parking, from 4:00pm-6:00pm. It was now 6:09pm, and there up ahead in my lane was a parked car. Rats!
As I pulled up behind the parked car, simultaneously in the left lane a car slowed down and stopped, directly next to the parked car. The driver valiantly tried to restart his car several times. It became apparent that his car was disabled and he wasn't going anywhere!
I was stunned. For my way was totally blocked. I could see my destination just down the road as a wave of "oh no" washed over me. Those that know me, know that I'm a pretty determined woman. Fierce sometimes in my determination to not give up. Passionate in my resolve to accomplish the assignment upon my life.
My mind began to look for solutions, for NOTHING was going to stop me from showing up to this important gathering! I got out of my car, and first wondered if I could find who owned the parked car, prepared to knock on the door of the house. Then, the driver and the passenger in the disabled car got out and came towards me. Meanwhile the backup grew and people sat in their cars, watching, probably grumbling. Together, we decided to push his car to the side as his passenger got behind the wheel to steer. Another man joined us, and we pushed the car out of the lane, releasing the traffic flow.
As I got back in my car I realized that now my lane was still blocked and the people who had sat unresponsive were now moving freely. Not fair! Once again, determined not to be stopped by the choices and circumstances of others, I thrust my left hand out my window, used my hand as a stop sign, and forced my way over into the now moving lane. (My Chicago driving habits kicked into gear. Ha!) I will not be denied the movement I desire and need!
Friends, The journey to connect to authentic identity and become all you were created capable of being is much like my drive last night. Obstacles will rise up. Others will block and impede your progress. Moving forward in light of that means that you dig deep, tap into your determination and desire and PUSH the obstacle out of the way!
Some people will help, some will sit complacently by the side and enjoy the benefits of your hard work. It will be difficult, it will be challenging. But you reap the rewards of the freedom to keep on moving and discover that you CAN!
Why was I so determined? Because I was going to speak to a large gathering of people desiring to hear about the impact of sex abuse and find hope in restoration! Obstacle get out of my way! I am a woman on assignment, living out of passion and purpose! I and those who will join me will not be denied.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Living in the moment
We are having an unusual summer in Cincinnati. Cool temperatures with no humidity! I find myself really enjoyng it, but waiting, poised for the REAL weather to show up.
My grandchildren are off playing and I hear the giggles, but I'm waiting, poised for the cry that will come when one of them gets hurt or disappointed.
I catch myself in these thoughts of waiting for the bad stuff to happen, and sigh - then feel the tension in my body. Why is it that living in the moment is so difficult? Why is it that I rob myself of experiencing the pleasure of the moments I'm in?
I find this challenge is something many of us struggle with. It is the history and experience of our past that informs our preparation for the future, and we skip right over the now. And when we do, our expectation of the negative is fulfilled as we pull it in to our atmosphere and miss the pleasure that is available.
Just being in the moment isn't safe. I hear all the "should's" in my head: You must be prepared to manage the emotion that will erupt in a minute. You must anticipate the needs of others. You must not take in the joy because that will make the sorrow even bigger. You've got to be in control so you don't acknowledge your lack of power. All the should's, they rob me.
In this moment my 5 year old grandaughter runs into the room laughing as she brings me her dress up clothes to help her become Snow White.....I look into her eyes, see the joy in her "now". I'm drawn into her world, and decide to drop all my shoulds. Some moments are too precious too miss.
My grandchildren are off playing and I hear the giggles, but I'm waiting, poised for the cry that will come when one of them gets hurt or disappointed.
I catch myself in these thoughts of waiting for the bad stuff to happen, and sigh - then feel the tension in my body. Why is it that living in the moment is so difficult? Why is it that I rob myself of experiencing the pleasure of the moments I'm in?
I find this challenge is something many of us struggle with. It is the history and experience of our past that informs our preparation for the future, and we skip right over the now. And when we do, our expectation of the negative is fulfilled as we pull it in to our atmosphere and miss the pleasure that is available.
Just being in the moment isn't safe. I hear all the "should's" in my head: You must be prepared to manage the emotion that will erupt in a minute. You must anticipate the needs of others. You must not take in the joy because that will make the sorrow even bigger. You've got to be in control so you don't acknowledge your lack of power. All the should's, they rob me.
In this moment my 5 year old grandaughter runs into the room laughing as she brings me her dress up clothes to help her become Snow White.....I look into her eyes, see the joy in her "now". I'm drawn into her world, and decide to drop all my shoulds. Some moments are too precious too miss.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Expectations and Disappointment
Quite a balancing act this connection between expectation and disappointment! Disappointment is linked to expectation in that we feel disappointed when what we experience is not close to what we expected. When our expectaions don't meet the reality in the experience, we are disappointed.
Feeling disappointed is uncomfortable and is an emotion we would like to avoid. How do we typically manage that?
Sometimes we need to hold out an expectation and stand strong. An example: Expecting to be treated with respect is absolutely an appropriate need. Standing strong in that expectation will produce an atmosphere around you that moves people to respond. If their behavior does not leave you feeling respected, you will be disappointed, however, your self-respect remains intact.
And so very important and core to this issue: When disappointed, own it, name it, feel it, work your way through it! Denying the uncomforable emotion only makes things worse. Owning the disappointment says, "My hopes, needs, etc., have value." Learn from the emotion and make an adjustment in either your thinking or behavior as necessary.
Feeling disappointed is uncomfortable and is an emotion we would like to avoid. How do we typically manage that?
- We lower our expectations, or we have no expectation at all. That way we can manage the emotion of disappointment by not giving it a place to land. Works in the moment perhaps, but by denying expectation, several things happen. One, we kill the power found in hope and we lose motivation. Second, the people around us slip into complacency as there is no expectation of them.
- We deny or do not process the disappointment. Again, several things can happen. We become angry at ourselves for having a hope of expectation and internalize a self-destructive emotion or message. Secondly, that unprocessed feeling of disappointment ultimately feeds into disheartenment and the snowball of depression grows bigger.
Sometimes we need to hold out an expectation and stand strong. An example: Expecting to be treated with respect is absolutely an appropriate need. Standing strong in that expectation will produce an atmosphere around you that moves people to respond. If their behavior does not leave you feeling respected, you will be disappointed, however, your self-respect remains intact.
And so very important and core to this issue: When disappointed, own it, name it, feel it, work your way through it! Denying the uncomforable emotion only makes things worse. Owning the disappointment says, "My hopes, needs, etc., have value." Learn from the emotion and make an adjustment in either your thinking or behavior as necessary.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Stand Up
Huh - just seeing the title, it appears that this blog post will again have a "fight" flavor to it. Why? Because at the core of me is a fighting warrior tired of a world that compacently accepts violence and the presence of sex abuse.
I see hundreds of people turn out for a walk against breast cancer - and yet the numbers of victims of breast cancer are not near the numbers of victims of sex abuse!
I see hundreds of people turn out for a walk to support issues around mental health - and yet many of those issues originate in the trauma of sex abuse.
I see hundreds of people turn out for a walk about autism, cystic fibrosis and now Alzheimer's.
What the heck?!? We issue a call for people to Stand Up against sex abuse - and we have little response! I'm sick of the powerless feeling. I'm sick of the shame keeping us from addressing it. I'm sick of the passive acceptance of sex abuse as something we have to "prevent"! Let's not tolerate it!
STAND UP! When we asked 300 people what their first response was when they heard about sex abuse, the word most used was "sick". I'm calling you to move beyond that first response! Yes, it is "sick", but let's get angry about it. Let's take this down. Let's Stand Up and battle the mindsets that allow sex abuse to exist.
If you are in the Cincinnati area - join us on August 17th, in Ault Park as we walk and STAND UP OHIO. This will be unique! You won't just walk, although showing up alone will make a statement. But you will have the opportunity to visit 3 action stations where you will help unearth and combat cultural norms and mindsets. We are attacking at the root! COME UP TO A HIGHER PLACE AND BATTLE WITH US!
rsvp: connections2602@gmail.com or http://standupohiowalk.brownpapertickets.com
I see hundreds of people turn out for a walk against breast cancer - and yet the numbers of victims of breast cancer are not near the numbers of victims of sex abuse!
I see hundreds of people turn out for a walk to support issues around mental health - and yet many of those issues originate in the trauma of sex abuse.
I see hundreds of people turn out for a walk about autism, cystic fibrosis and now Alzheimer's.
What the heck?!? We issue a call for people to Stand Up against sex abuse - and we have little response! I'm sick of the powerless feeling. I'm sick of the shame keeping us from addressing it. I'm sick of the passive acceptance of sex abuse as something we have to "prevent"! Let's not tolerate it!
STAND UP! When we asked 300 people what their first response was when they heard about sex abuse, the word most used was "sick". I'm calling you to move beyond that first response! Yes, it is "sick", but let's get angry about it. Let's take this down. Let's Stand Up and battle the mindsets that allow sex abuse to exist.
If you are in the Cincinnati area - join us on August 17th, in Ault Park as we walk and STAND UP OHIO. This will be unique! You won't just walk, although showing up alone will make a statement. But you will have the opportunity to visit 3 action stations where you will help unearth and combat cultural norms and mindsets. We are attacking at the root! COME UP TO A HIGHER PLACE AND BATTLE WITH US!
rsvp: connections2602@gmail.com or http://standupohiowalk.brownpapertickets.com
Monday, July 1, 2013
Occupy your land
This journey of restoring authentic identity is a battle! Think of it this way: someone has crossed a boundary and has invaded your territory. This invader has imposed new rules of thinking and behaving and your healthy sense of identity has been submerged under this tyrant.
You have decided to declare war on this invasion and throw out the rules, thoughts and behaviors the invader left behind. These rules, thoughts and behaviors cripple you and unless defeated, will define your life.
You are going to stop running from "knowing what you know", turn around, face the reality of what you experienced and "occupy your land." It is a place of great strength to stand by your core, recognize your innate value and take it back - occupy it!
It is an action. It is a reclaiming. Draw your weapons of restoration by taking responsibility to fight the battle, recognizing the impact of the invasion, identifying your power of agreement and internalize the new truth. Occupy!
It is victory that is possible!
www.beyondrecoverytorestoration.com
You have decided to declare war on this invasion and throw out the rules, thoughts and behaviors the invader left behind. These rules, thoughts and behaviors cripple you and unless defeated, will define your life.
You are going to stop running from "knowing what you know", turn around, face the reality of what you experienced and "occupy your land." It is a place of great strength to stand by your core, recognize your innate value and take it back - occupy it!
It is an action. It is a reclaiming. Draw your weapons of restoration by taking responsibility to fight the battle, recognizing the impact of the invasion, identifying your power of agreement and internalize the new truth. Occupy!
It is victory that is possible!
www.beyondrecoverytorestoration.com
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Fighting the Wrong Battle
The honest truth is that life is difficult. It is full of disappointment, hurt, confusion and often trauma. How we make it through these challenges, and what we do with them is were the value lies. You have to fight to overcome. And far too often we end up fighting the wrong battle.
Consider a woman now in domestic violence. Thinking that her only means of stopping the attacks is to adjust her demeanor, or words or behaviors, she battles herself, denies her needs and adjusts. Consider the adult man victimized by sex abuse as a child. Thinking that his sexuality is the problem, he battles and denies his natural responses. A battle has an objective - what would you say is the objective in the battle these two people are fighting? I suggest that in these examples, the objective is to manage the trauma and it's impact. It's the wrong battle. It's wasted energy. And it does not produce freedom.
We have to fight for the freedom to be who we were created to be. We have to fight for our rights, fight for our authentic identity and the power and direction it provides. We have to fight the belief systems developed from wounding and trauma that tell us we don't matter or have no value.
Deep inside is the essence of you. It has not disappeared, it has not been destroyed. It waits, holding the treasures of your potential and the provision to accomplish it.
That's the correct battle!
Consider a woman now in domestic violence. Thinking that her only means of stopping the attacks is to adjust her demeanor, or words or behaviors, she battles herself, denies her needs and adjusts. Consider the adult man victimized by sex abuse as a child. Thinking that his sexuality is the problem, he battles and denies his natural responses. A battle has an objective - what would you say is the objective in the battle these two people are fighting? I suggest that in these examples, the objective is to manage the trauma and it's impact. It's the wrong battle. It's wasted energy. And it does not produce freedom.
We have to fight for the freedom to be who we were created to be. We have to fight for our rights, fight for our authentic identity and the power and direction it provides. We have to fight the belief systems developed from wounding and trauma that tell us we don't matter or have no value.
Deep inside is the essence of you. It has not disappeared, it has not been destroyed. It waits, holding the treasures of your potential and the provision to accomplish it.
That's the correct battle!
Monday, June 17, 2013
What inside of you needs saving?
I could see the confusion on her 3 year old face. Corrected for asking too many questions, she was confused, but complied and put away her curiosity. Thus began her separation from an important part of her identity.
I could see the confusion on his 43 year old face. When asked what he enjoyed about his personailty he looked puzzled. I knew that somehow and at sometime he had separated himself from really knowing and enjoying himself.
Not so unusual really. As we grow up and experience relationship, we quickly learn what parts of our identity are acceptable and appreciated and which ones cause trouble and anxiety. And we make adjustments appropriately. And we lose connection to parts of ourselves.
So, what inside you was put away and needs to be saved? It could be your determination, your joy, your desire to do or be something, your sense of humor, your creativity, your longings, even your emotions. What about your internal make-up did you step away from?
You might be wondering, well, if I put it away, it was for a good reason. WHY would I want to reconnect to it? Because every part of how you were created has purpose! I believe in the Creator God who designed you and in that design He has a purpose. Everything about you, yes, even the quirky aspects of your personality, fit together to supply you with exactly what is needed for the assignment you have in this life.
I am a tenacious and determined lady! However, when people could not control me, they would call me stubborn and unteachable. Neither of which is true, (Okay - in total transparency, I might be stubborn sometimes. Ha!) Although this tenacity might cause me (and others around me) problems, I absolutely must be tenacious to do the work I do! It is an important part of who I am, even if it causes be problems.
Take the risk. Look deeper inside you! Listen for the whisper inside that longs to be heard. Go on the Restoration Journey and look for what needs to be saved inside you.
www.beyondrecoverytorestoration.com
I could see the confusion on his 43 year old face. When asked what he enjoyed about his personailty he looked puzzled. I knew that somehow and at sometime he had separated himself from really knowing and enjoying himself.
Not so unusual really. As we grow up and experience relationship, we quickly learn what parts of our identity are acceptable and appreciated and which ones cause trouble and anxiety. And we make adjustments appropriately. And we lose connection to parts of ourselves.
So, what inside you was put away and needs to be saved? It could be your determination, your joy, your desire to do or be something, your sense of humor, your creativity, your longings, even your emotions. What about your internal make-up did you step away from?
You might be wondering, well, if I put it away, it was for a good reason. WHY would I want to reconnect to it? Because every part of how you were created has purpose! I believe in the Creator God who designed you and in that design He has a purpose. Everything about you, yes, even the quirky aspects of your personality, fit together to supply you with exactly what is needed for the assignment you have in this life.
I am a tenacious and determined lady! However, when people could not control me, they would call me stubborn and unteachable. Neither of which is true, (Okay - in total transparency, I might be stubborn sometimes. Ha!) Although this tenacity might cause me (and others around me) problems, I absolutely must be tenacious to do the work I do! It is an important part of who I am, even if it causes be problems.
Take the risk. Look deeper inside you! Listen for the whisper inside that longs to be heard. Go on the Restoration Journey and look for what needs to be saved inside you.
www.beyondrecoverytorestoration.com
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