Carrying Burdens

This picture moves me! A picture like this flooded my awareness as I listened to a group of victims of sex abuse talk about the burdens they were carrying. I could see all these aspects:

• I see burdens placed on the victim of sex abuse, tied on so he (thinks) he can't shake them loose. 
• I see weariness and resignation in the donkey's (victim's) face. 
• I see the person who tied on the burden leading him with the full expectation that the donkey (victim) carry the heavy load.

That reality troubles me!  How many of us are like that donkey?

I responded with a profound sense of sadness when I heard their burdens.  Sadness for what they have experienced; but even more a sadness that they are afraid to untie the burden and leave it in the dust.  For unlike the donkey, you have a choice!  You can say, hell no, I'm not carrying it!

The conversation has caused me to take a deep look at why's? 

• Why is it that the desire and determination to be free is not as big as the fear of being without the burden? 
• Why do we hide behind fear?  Because we do - we use fear as a reason for not progressing.
• Why do we we think we need the burdens?  If I won't let go of it, it is meeting a need.

I wonder if it all doesn't boil down to being unwilling.  Unwilling to take the risk; or take responsibility for our own behaviors, yes, even those behaviors that are an adaptation to trauma. And how do we shift this - how do we nurture and develop a willing spirit? 

Occupy your land

This journey of restoring authentic identity is a battle!  Think of it this way:  someone has crossed a boundary and has invaded your territory.  This invader has imposed new rules of thinking and behaving and your healthy sense of identity has been submerged under this tyrant.

You have decided to declare war on this invasion and throw out the rules, thoughts and behaviors the invader left behind.  These rules, thoughts and behaviors cripple you and unless defeated, will define your life. 

You are going to stop running from "knowing what you know", turn around, face the reality of what you experienced and "occupy your land."  It is a place of great strength to stand by your core, recognize your innate value and take it back - occupy it!

It is an action.  It is a reclaiming.  Draw your weapons of restoration by taking responsibility to fight the battle, recognizing the impact of the invasion, identifying your power of agreement and internalize the new truth.  Occupy!

It is victory that is possible! 
www.beyondrecoverytorestoration.com

The Courage to be You!

I'm reading a book by Mark Nepo, Finding Inner Courage, and I'm struck with his understanding of what true courage is.  He says, "The word courage comes from the Latin cor, which literally means heart.  The original use of the word courage means to stand by one's core."  No wonder I'm drawn to this book!

I love that definition!  In the language of restoration it reflects our concept of reconnecting to authentic identity.  Simultaneously I see two pictures of what that means.  First, I see myself drawn to that core, intrigued, standing by it, discovering it, embracing it and protecting it.   And I recognize the courage that it takes to do that exploration.  All the things that have "shaped" my life have left behind a definition of what the world assigned to me as who I am.  And yet, beyond that is the true me.  Pushing through others expectations and definitions to discover me is costly, risky and hard work- it takes courage!

Secondly I see myself standing by my core, living out of what I've uncovered! Immediately I feel the peace and joy of living from authentic identity.  It means that the things I attempt are managed with the power that lies in knowing fully what I bring to the table. Living out of my core means I know my limitations, I know my strengths and I live in that balance without fear or regret.And it takes courage to do that, especially when others object. 

The best part of standing by one's core and living out of authentic identity?  Because I believe that my authentic identity was created with the heart and handprint of God, I'm living out of the intimacy provided in that connection.  And I feel loved, accepted and powerful!

 

Peace in Restoration

Yesterday morning, as I was driving to witness the recording of a song written for Connections, I was in touch with a deep abiding place of peace, contentment and expectation.  I was reminded about the scriptural teaching that says God provides the "peace that passes all understanding".  I began to sink into that concept from a Restoration perspective.

At that moment, in my car, thinking about where I was going, I knew that this act was yet another step in walking out my destiny.  Fifteen years ago I made the first step to open Connections, without money and without participants.  I had a vision and passion and a friend who said she would make the journey with me.  My entire life changed.  I became single again, expereinced my parents walking away, finances became a continual struggle, and I went back to school.  And I found me!

At the core of who I am is the passion to enable people to become all they were created to be and step into their destiny.  I did not know that Sandra had been writing and singing for years with the dream of recording a song and becoming the artist she knows she is.  When our paths crossed, Sandra, without expecting anything in return, wrote, "I Won't Let it Own Me", a song that epitomizes the message of Restoration.  She had no idea that Connections would be able to pay for the recording and start-up distirubtion of that song.  She stepped into destiny when she willinging allowed God to use her passion for His purpose.

Yesterday, I knew that the provision I was bringing to the recording of that song was directly unlocking Sandra's destiny while fulfilling mine.  Part of my destiny is to assist in the unlocking of the potential in others.  The peace and contentment I felt was in the knowing that my restored identity was accomplishing its purpose. Not everything has changed in my situation.  I'm still single, still out of touch with my parents, and still financially challenged.  But the peace and contentment of being connected to my God created identity and walking in destiny is unexplainable and so very awe-inspiring it takes my breath away.  Thats "the peace that passes all understanding."

Don't turn away!

As horrific as it was to hear the trial coverage of Sandusky, it was so very important for us all to be awakened.  Now I fear that because the senstional reports are over, we will quickly turn our eyes and ears away from the topic once again. 

We can not let that happen!

Why?  Because today another child is being groomed. Today another child is being sexually assaulted. Today another child does not have the voice or power to make the sexual assault stop.

Today someone calls Connections and feels remorse, wishing they had told.  Today someone carries guilt because they believe that if they had told, maybe the perpetrator's next victim would have been saved. (Probably not true. Even when someone sees or knows - like in the trial - we don't usually respond well.)

Today someone wrestles with shame, re-activated by the Sandusky trial.  Today someone takes a drink or does drugs trying to silence the pain.  Today someone wonders about their value.  Today someone hides the confusion they experience in relationships.  Today someone asks, "who am I really?"

Don't turn away.  Don't put this new awareness behind you.
http://www.connectionssp.org/
http://www.standup300.com/

You can't be a survivor without being a victim.

We don't like being called a victim - and yet the person touched by sex abuse is that - a victim. Saying "I'm a survivor" is not more empowering than saying "I'm a victim".  Victims have more power to get freedom than survivors do because victims remain in touch with the reality of the trauma impact.  When the victim quickly becomes a survivor and jumps from the point of impact directly to claiming the status of being a survivor, they jump over a whole set of emtoions, needs, thought processes and confusion.  One can't become a survivor without knowing what they survived - you have to know the impact and work that through!