Friday, September 25, 2015

Being Real

Can I get real with you today?  Last week was a very disappointing week for me. Both professionally and personally. Things that I have longed for, worked towards and believed in, fell apart. It has caused me to walk with hesitancy, a physical heaviness and deep sorrow. 

My church sings this amazing song, "I Know Who I am."  It usually moves me to a joyful place of knowing and celebration.  Because I do know who I am, what God says about me and His plans for me. I embrace them and walk in them - most days.  However, the world hasn't read the same memo!  Opportunities are thwarted, people turn away and I'm left with a feeling of defeat.  And I'm not sure how to get up and keep going.

This morning I again listened to the song, "I Know Who I am"; not on purpose, but by accident. It brought me not to the usual place of celebration, but a place of tears. The moment the music started playing, I felt the deep hurt and yes, rejection, that I've experienced this week. Silent small tears escaped and ran down my cheek.

In the moment I knew that I faced a choice and needed to do the hard work of getting back up.  I could easily give up and agree with the messages the world is telling me. I could throw my hands up and walk away from the challenge of living as me. Or, I could choose to again look towards and agree with what I know to be true about me. In spite of the conclusions others come to.

So, I find myself utilizing the very skills I teach - I'm using my power of agreement
This is what I'm doing in this moment:
1. I'm acknowledging and expressing the emotional, spiritual and physical hit I took.  I'm allowing the tears to flow as I write.  I'm playing the music over and over, allowing the truth of it to permeate that place of hurt and help release the pent up emotion. I will do this until I again am at peace with the truth of "who I am."
2.  I'm deciding to take care of what I need today.  Do I need a walk in the woods?  A hug?  Some special treat?  A nap?  A movie?  More music? Writing? I will ask inside and put it into place.  I will honor my needs.
3.  By a choice of my will I will realign with and agree with the truth of my possibility and promise.  I do know who I am, no matter what it looks like and how others react.
4,  Repeat! Repeat! And repeat, until I'm in a better place, equipped to rise up again, keep going and do what I've been designed to do.

See, I don't just teach restoration skills - I live them!  And they work!
Thanks for listening.....Rebecca

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Head Games

Oh my - The news segment was called, "Head Games" and instantly had my attention. I watched as the reporter put on a heavy goggle headset and stepped into virtual reality.  Immediately what the reporter was seeing was altered.  Instead of a solid room, he saw a plank stretching across an abyss.  When he was asked to step across the plank, his hesitation was tangible.  His distorted view felt more real than the reality he knew was there.

Of course my mind thought of the work I do with trauma.  Events in life, whether sexual abuse, natural disasters or loss can distort perceptions and reality - much like the headset the reporter put on.

I explored the definition of "virtual" and discovered that it meant, "being so in effect, although not in actual fact or name."  Effect is an important word here as well.  Effect is "result, anything brought about by a cause, influence, an impression made on the mind." 

Whoa - The event of experiencing sex abuse makes an impression on the mind that is not an actual fact!  Don't turn away!  Hear this clearly - I'm not saying that the fact that you experienced sexual abuse isn't true.  You know what happened.  What isn't true is what you believe about yourself; the effect, the impression made on your mind!

Much like the virtual reality headset, the event of sex abuse locked your mind in a vise grip that distorts your thinking. You are not what happened to you. You are not destroyed.  You are not shameful.  You are not worthless. The emotions will not kill you.  You absolutely can conquer this. Now you fill in the blank with what that vise grip tells you, because you are not________.  It is your distorted virtual reality.

By the end of the news piece the reporter felt dizzy.  It wasn't until he took off that headset and restored his vision to see the truth about the room he was in, that the dizziness left.

Do the same.  Use the restoration skills and recognize what the head games are saying to you.  What did sex abuse cause you to believe?  Then shift your power of agreement, knowing that what you believe is an effect and not reality, and agree with the truth of who you are.  Utilize the positive feedback from safe people and exchange the effect and internalize the truth of your intrinsic value.

Take off the Headset!