Being Real

Can I get real with you today?  Last week was a very disappointing week for me. Both professionally and personally. Things that I have longed for, worked towards and believed in, fell apart. It has caused me to walk with hesitancy, a physical heaviness and deep sorrow. 

My church sings this amazing song, "I Know Who I am."  It usually moves me to a joyful place of knowing and celebration.  Because I do know who I am, what God says about me and His plans for me. I embrace them and walk in them - most days.  However, the world hasn't read the same memo!  Opportunities are thwarted, people turn away and I'm left with a feeling of defeat.  And I'm not sure how to get up and keep going.

This morning I again listened to the song, "I Know Who I am"; not on purpose, but by accident. It brought me not to the usual place of celebration, but a place of tears. The moment the music started playing, I felt the deep hurt and yes, rejection, that I've experienced this week. Silent small tears escaped and ran down my cheek.

In the moment I knew that I faced a choice and needed to do the hard work of getting back up.  I could easily give up and agree with the messages the world is telling me. I could throw my hands up and walk away from the challenge of living as me. Or, I could choose to again look towards and agree with what I know to be true about me. In spite of the conclusions others come to.

So, I find myself utilizing the very skills I teach - I'm using my power of agreement. 
This is what I'm doing in this moment:
1. I'm acknowledging and expressing the emotional, spiritual and physical hit I took.  I'm allowing the tears to flow as I write.  I'm playing the music over and over, allowing the truth of it to permeate that place of hurt and help release the pent up emotion. I will do this until I again am at peace with the truth of "who I am."
2.  I'm deciding to take care of what I need today.  Do I need a walk in the woods?  A hug?  Some special treat?  A nap?  A movie?  More music? Writing? I will ask inside and put it into place.  I will honor my needs.
3.  By a choice of my will I will realign with and agree with the truth of my possibility and promise.  I do know who I am, no matter what it looks like and how others react.
4,  Repeat! Repeat! And repeat, until I'm in a better place, equipped to rise up again, keep going and do what I've been designed to do.

See, I don't just teach restoration skills - I live them!  And they work!
Thanks for listening.....Rebecca

Message Senders

"Our feelings are always with us, but we are too seldom with them. " Daniel Goleman

Perhaps scariest of all to victims of sex abuse is the mountain of emotions perched behind walls of denial. Often a belief exists that if I don't acknowledge them, I'm okay and they don't exist.  Neither of which is true.

You are not okay - You are crippled.  You operate without the benefit of what your emotions can tell you.  You are living isolated, not able to connect with another person at the deep level of emotional intimacy that ultimately fulfills us as people.

And your emotions exist whether you acknowledge them or not.  They exist in headaches, sore backs and shoulders, ulcers and any number of physical conditions.

But that's not my focus of this post.

I want to encourage you to accept that your emotions have something to tell you.  That gut reaction you have is valid, it is your personal wealth of wisdom and judgement.  That gut reaction is not only valid, but vital to providing you with information that will guide you. Often victims of sex abuse do not trust their gut reactions.  Why?  Because the secrecy of sex abuse coupled with the facade a perpetrator lives under, messes with the victim's ability to accept her perceptions as real.

Gavin deBecker calls apprehension the "gift of fear."  This radar alerts you that something is off.  It is valuable and necessary for making choices that keep you safe.

Your emotions are your inner rudder!  You need them.  Decide to connect to them, learn from them and step fully into your life.