I want to SCREAM!

Tonight on our local news station a report will air about the popular topic, "human trafficking" and sex crimes.  It appears the focus will be on how police are responding and preparing for the upswing in prostitution this summer as a major sports event comes to our city.

I won't watch it.  It upsets me too much.

No, not because I can't mange the issue - but because of how we as a community so quickly pat ourselves on the back because we are "addressing" sex crimes. 

While we ignore the persistent presence of sexual violence against children in our homes.

I WANT TO SCREAM!

• When will we take serious the cries of that young boy or girl who TODAY is being molested by a "trusted" adult?
• When will we stop trying to equip children to protect themselves and finally challenge adults to stop raping kids!
• Where is the outrage at the damage being done to the potential found in the identity of that child?
• Why is it that other causes, that affect far less people, receive the funding?

I WANT TO SCREAM!

Let me scratch the denial for you.  This is a glimpse of what is behind the closed door of sexual crimes in our homes:

• The grandmother distraught as the third generation female is sexually violated.
• The 23 year old who internalized the disgust of the sexual atrocity perpetrated against her.
• The 12 year old who, again molested by her father, was ignored by the system when she first spoke of it at age 4.
• An on-line community for victims closes because there is no money.
• The crippling cycle of therapists, groups, doctors, lost days of work, paralyzing fears, and repeating dysfunctions that costs our culture billions of dollars.
• Fact: the trauma of sex abuse is inked to drugs, alcohol and many physical illnesses.

I WANT TO SCREAM!

What is it going to take for us to get this?

 I WANT TO SCREAM!

I"M SICK OF IT!

                   ... and the tears start to flow....

Bold Transforming Power

I started this year with a challenge to my OneHealth/Vivarae community.  Don't make a resolution that will only result in guilt when you can't accomplish it.  Rather, come up with three words to guide you throughout the year.  I realized I hadn't given any thought to create my own.  So I sat down this week and made a stab at it.

This is what I came up with:  Bold Transforming Power

I'm excited to embrace these words as it reflects my passion to shift the status quo in which I live.  I embrace change and know the value and potential found in new solutions. Thus, I dedicate my life to pushing against traditional answers to how we heal from and stop sex abuse.  

In our culture new technology is embraced swiftly.  People don't resist the latest i-phone. Actually they stand in line to get it.  Will it impact their life in a positive way?  Perhaps, perhaps not.  Yet, we change and adapt to technology without much resistance.  

But present a new mindset and call for a cultural change in our thinking - when it absolutely would result in positive things - and the resistance is loud and vocal. That's why I'm embracing Bold Transforming Power as my mantra for the year.  

Here is my first installment for you.  It's time to move beyond traditional prevention thinking.  It's time to shift into Primary Prevention of Sex Abuse - meaning do something to stop it before it happens.  

Let's play Jenga - Let's take out the foundational cultural mindsets that contribute to sexual assault and topple this atrocity! Some examples: 

• Call out those who by their comments create a sexualized environment.
•  Get involved in shifting the disparity in gender equality.
•  Identify and challenge masculinity stereotypes and disrespect of women and children. 

We are not powerless to change perceptions! It's time!

Is it a Crime or a Public Health Issue?

How we use words makes all the difference in how we shape the world around us.  If you've been hanging with me for any length of time you already know that I ask questions to highlight how the words we use can set a direction or thought we didn't intend.

I'm known for challenging the use of the word prevention.  For me the word has a subtle undertone that says: "Sex abuse exists in our culture, but don't worry, I'm going to do everything I can to keep it from touching you." That means I have passively accepted that it exists. I use the term "Zero Tolerance" as that is what I'm after!

Now I'm spending time looking at how we "do" prevention.  The Center for Disease Control and other high visible agencies working on preventing sex abuse have said that sex abuse is a "public health issue".  Hmmmm.....I find some inherent difficulties in that framework.

Typically when I hear that something is a "public health issue", I'm programmed to believe that if I get the right medication, or shot or follow a prescription, I can get better. If I have not experienced this public health issue, then I have no need to pay attention or get involved. So, first, we haven't done a very good job of talking about "why" sex abuse is a public health issue.  I don't think the average person has any real clue about how sex abuse impacts the culture.

Secondly, the subtle message in a public health model is that whoever is involved in this public health issue will be the one who does what is necessary to "get better." They will get the shot or the prescription. They will fix it. This thinking keeps the collective community from seeing it as something we should all address. This framework allows for individualistic complacency and passivity, it does not build capacity for a community response.

Let's use stronger language! Why don't we call it what it is?  A CRIME!  A crime against the human spirit!  A crime against the possibility and potential of people!

When we call it what it is, perhaps we can ignite the movement to fight against it.

Seating the Jury - How Can this be?

I actually went this morning in support of the family of the abuse victim.  Today the federal trial of Fr. Poandl, a priest accused of molesting a then 10 year old boy, began with the jury selection process. The courtroom appeared packed and I was glad to see the full room - thinking, finally, people are taking this seriously!  And then I realized that 70 of the people there were the potential jury pool.  As the realization dawned that maybe 20 people were here for the trial, I was perplexed:  How can this Be?  Why aren't more people here?  Why isn't there standing room only?

The procedure of screening jurors as to the ability to be "unbiased" continued and I experienced another shocking awareness.  The question was asked of the jury pool: Is there anyone here who has a framework or philosophical belief either religous, personal, etc...that would keep you from being unbiased in this trail?  Not ONE person responded yes.  I was shocked!  I said to myself, "They have to be lying or afraid to speak up!"  Surely SOMEONE in 70 people has an internal bias about sexual abuse that would impact their presence on a jury!  How can this be?  Why aren't people outraged?

A few minutes later, when the jury pool was reminded that this case involved the molestation of a 10 year old boy, and asked again about their ability to remain unbiased in light of that; 3 women raised their hands.  All had family members who were 10 year old boys. 

I have just returned from IVAT, the International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma where I presented on a panel about how to prevent sex abuse.  I challenged my colleagues that it was time to rethink our approach.  I suggested that current prevention approaches have inadvertently made it an individual's responsibility to prevent sex abuse.  I suggested that we have not done a good job of making it a community problem.  (More on that in future blogs!)

And today I watched that play out in a courtroom.  As a community, not one person felt an internal reaction to nor an outrage about sexual abuse.  Only individual mothers stood up.

How can this be?

Stand Up

Huh - just seeing the title, it appears that this blog post will again have a "fight" flavor to it. Why?  Because at the core of me is a fighting warrior tired of a world that compacently accepts violence and the presence of sex abuse. 

I see hundreds of people turn out for a walk against breast cancer - and yet the numbers of victims of breast cancer are not near the numbers of victims of sex abuse!

I see hundreds of people turn out for a walk to support issues around mental health - and yet many of those issues originate in the trauma of sex abuse.

I see hundreds of people turn out for a walk about autism, cystic fibrosis and now Alzheimer's.

What the heck?!?  We issue a call for people to Stand Up against sex abuse - and we have little response!  I'm sick of the powerless feeling.  I'm sick of the shame keeping us from addressing it.  I'm sick of the passive acceptance of sex abuse as something we have to "prevent"! Let's not tolerate it!

STAND UP!  When we asked 300 people what their first response was when they heard about sex abuse, the word most used was "sick".  I'm calling you to move beyond that first response!  Yes, it is "sick", but let's get angry about it.  Let's take this down.  Let's Stand Up and battle the mindsets that allow sex abuse to exist. 

If you are in the Cincinnati area - join us on August 17th, in Ault Park as we walk and STAND UP OHIO.  This will be unique!  You won't just walk, although showing up alone will make a statement.  But you will have the opportunity to visit 3 action stations where you will help unearth and combat cultural norms and mindsets.  We are attacking at the root!  COME UP TO  A HIGHER PLACE AND BATTLE WITH US!

rsvp: connections2602@gmail.com  or http://standupohiowalk.brownpapertickets.com

We can't educate our way out of this!

The gut reactions I have are becoming stronger than my will to silence them! Whether I am speaking to a victim or to a colleague, I see the fog of passivity that has developed because we have  allowed "education" to be the focus of both our recovery and prevention efforts. 

Knowledge alone does not change the deep seated presence of sexual assault of children in our culture. Knowledge alone does not change the impact for the victim. We have to fight to rid ourselves of its presence.  We have to convert that knowledge into action! We have to declare war and unearth and change the stakes of thinking that hold this in place. 

As we watch the military rework the reporting of sexual assault within its ranks; or as we watch Congress add another law, we must not breathe a sigh of relief and think, "someone is doing something."  Because I can guarantee you - no stricter laws or changed reporting systems will actually stop sexual abuse. There are already many laws in place and structures of justice in place and they do not stop the perpetration of sex abuse.

We can't educate our way out of this one!

So, I'm declaring war!  I'm going deep - I'm diving in. I will unearth these stakes and yank them out!
Stay tuned!  Sign up for the army today!
www.stanup300.org

New Theme Song for Me!

Last week I hobbled my way into the Doctor's office hoping that he would release me to put weight on my repaired ankle.  While waiting for the appointment, my mind was rehearsing the Diana Ross song, "I'm Coming Out" over and over.  I'm sure it was not only a hopeful but prophetic song, because I was
released to walk again!

Why the new theme song?  This whole ankle breaking thing has been quite an experience.  Just at the time I'm starting a new movement:  "Zero Tolerance", my ankle gets broken! Are you kidding me?  The good news: I've been changed from the inside out and I've got great new biceps from using a walker!  Ha!  I had lots of time for personal reflection as I was forced to sit most of the time. Listening to webcasts and reading provided an avenue for an even deeper inner transformation and strengthening of purpose.  I'm coming out of this experience with new resolve to stand my ground and bring the challenging message of moving beyond prevention to Zero Tolerance.  And I will need this new strength!

The song has a great drum beat that announces a change, then she belts out:  I'm coming out - I want the world to know; got to let it show. There's a new me coming out and I just have to live! This time around I'm going to do it like you never knew it!"  Get ready world - Rebecca is coming out of this experience with new strength!

Here we go:  It is time we stop relying on prevention models for addressing sex abuse.  Prevention means, "this awful crime exists, but I'm going to try and prevent it from getting you."  That actually means that we are accepting it's presence.  ZERO TOLERANCE says, "Oh no you don't!  We are closing that door. Go to Facebook, search "Zero Tolerance Now! Protect Kids" and like our new page!