Bold Transforming Power

I started this year with a challenge to my OneHealth/Vivarae community.  Don't make a resolution that will only result in guilt when you can't accomplish it.  Rather, come up with three words to guide you throughout the year.  I realized I hadn't given any thought to create my own.  So I sat down this week and made a stab at it.

This is what I came up with:  Bold Transforming Power

I'm excited to embrace these words as it reflects my passion to shift the status quo in which I live.  I embrace change and know the value and potential found in new solutions. Thus, I dedicate my life to pushing against traditional answers to how we heal from and stop sex abuse.  

In our culture new technology is embraced swiftly.  People don't resist the latest i-phone. Actually they stand in line to get it.  Will it impact their life in a positive way?  Perhaps, perhaps not.  Yet, we change and adapt to technology without much resistance.  

But present a new mindset and call for a cultural change in our thinking - when it absolutely would result in positive things - and the resistance is loud and vocal. That's why I'm embracing Bold Transforming Power as my mantra for the year.  

Here is my first installment for you.  It's time to move beyond traditional prevention thinking.  It's time to shift into Primary Prevention of Sex Abuse - meaning do something to stop it before it happens.  

Let's play Jenga - Let's take out the foundational cultural mindsets that contribute to sexual assault and topple this atrocity! Some examples: 

• Call out those who by their comments create a sexualized environment.
•  Get involved in shifting the disparity in gender equality.
•  Identify and challenge masculinity stereotypes and disrespect of women and children. 

We are not powerless to change perceptions! It's time!

Sensitivity Hijacked

Restoration - becoming all you were created capable of being!

We have this amazing sheet art piece, the "Handprint Banner", on which victims of sex abuse have written about how sex abuse impacted them.  Central to many of the statements is the question, "Who am I?"  Thus, core to our restoration model is the process of reconnecting to parts of identity by removing any disregard or damage done to them.

We typically start by exploring character qualities - we all have them and can be discovered pretty quickly.  Character qualities are those guiding principles behind the scene.  They can be impacted by sex abuse and require some adjustment.

This week we have explored sensitivity.  Sensitivity is an awareness and understanding of how other people are feeling. The victim of sex abuse absolutely has sensitivity - an often heightened and distorted sense of sensitivity.  For example she is sensitive to:

• The nuances of the perpetrator:  They are sensitive to such things as movements and breathing; always vigilant to sense the mood shifts in anticipation of the actions of the person who hurts them.
• The nuances of even "safe people".  On guard to protect themselves from rejection or possible hurt, they are sensitive to body language, i.e. facial expressions, breathing, tone; anticipating what they might need to do to protect themselves.
• The escape route in the room:  Sensitive to where the door is, perhaps choosing to face it in order to have a sense of power.
• Sensitive to read people in a room; who appears to be a danger; who might be safe.

The character quality of sensitivity was designed to create intimacy and connection.  The appropriate use of sensitivity allows me to recognize your emotional state and need so that I can meet you there; so that we can feel connected.  Sensitivity was not designed to be a means of discerning danger.

When the victim of sex abuse does the work of recognizing how a character trait has been hijacked, they then have power to shift it - clean it off - and gain the freedom to connect to their authentic identity in the purpose and design in which it was formed.

Freedom to have access to all aspects of identity and live out of their authentic purpose is AMAZING!

The Art of Complacency

WARNING:  This post is not for the faint of heart!

There is no magic formula.  There is no 1, 2, 3 step program.  There is no book you can read.  And there is no therapist who can fix what is destroying your hope and stealing your future.  Any of those things are simply tools - they don't create the change and freedom you seek.  YOU DO!

We have become complacent. 

We think if we have read that book we have done something.

We think if we hold a heated conversation about a volatile topic we have done something.

We think if we attended the meeting, or sat through the conference we have done something.

We think if we enact that new law, we have done something.

And things remain the same.  Complacency.

It kills new ideas.

It repeats patterns that bring destruction.

It breeds hopelessness and despair.

It diverts us from our potential and power.

You have to come out of complacency!

You need to be discontent and unwilling to accept the status quo. 

No longer is it okay to only identify what is in your way of change, i.e. fear, rejection, insecurity.  If you want to change your life and thus change the world in which you live YOU will look at that obstacle and say, HELL NO!  

YOU have to USE the tools.  Don't just say the words. SHIFT from the inside.  That is where you connect to your power.

YOU must do the work of internalizing new truth, making internal exchanges and stop giving your power away.  

DO IT! - fire up your resolve - connect to your passion - DO IT!