The Ultimate Revenge

The Ultimate Revenge
It's a normal reaction and question.  We ask it when someone we love dies.  We ask it when there is a terrible accident.  And the victim of sex abuse asks it in the journey to restoration.  "WHY?"  

Sometimes people are quick to offer an answer.  Things like, "He was drunk", "You were an affectionate kid" or "She was a pervert". None of those answers bring any relief, and actually create deeper harm.  

There is no answer to the question, "Why did he do it?" that will make any sense or bring any satisfaction. There is no good answer.  There is no solid response as to why that will help you feel better.

Focusing on that question will keep you stuck. It's like seeing a mountain in front of you that blocks the view.  It stands in your way of progress. When you continually ask, "Why?", you remain tied to the abuser in a way that prevents you from moving through to processing the real impact: the beliefs born of trauma and the emotional pain.  As long as you stay focused on a question that can't be answered and provides no sense of relief, you remain in the fallout of trauma and the abuser wins!  He or she is still in control!  How?  Because the beliefs, thoughts and emotions hide behind that unanswerable question and control your behaviors and wreck havoc in your life.

You can have the last word!  You can have the ultimate revenge!  That revenge is moving beyond the "why's" to exploring how sex abuse impacted you; take down the destructive beliefs born of trauma, and become all you were created capable of being.  When you do the hard work of shifting beliefs and using your power of agreement, and walk in the freedom of you - the abuser loses control!  

It's the ultimate revenge!  Become who you were created to be!

The Art of Complacency

WARNING:  This post is not for the faint of heart!

There is no magic formula.  There is no 1, 2, 3 step program.  There is no book you can read.  And there is no therapist who can fix what is destroying your hope and stealing your future.  Any of those things are simply tools - they don't create the change and freedom you seek.  YOU DO!

We have become complacent. 

We think if we have read that book we have done something.

We think if we hold a heated conversation about a volatile topic we have done something.

We think if we attended the meeting, or sat through the conference we have done something.

We think if we enact that new law, we have done something.

And things remain the same.  Complacency.

It kills new ideas.

It repeats patterns that bring destruction.

It breeds hopelessness and despair.

It diverts us from our potential and power.

You have to come out of complacency!

You need to be discontent and unwilling to accept the status quo. 

No longer is it okay to only identify what is in your way of change, i.e. fear, rejection, insecurity.  If you want to change your life and thus change the world in which you live YOU will look at that obstacle and say, HELL NO!  

YOU have to USE the tools.  Don't just say the words. SHIFT from the inside.  That is where you connect to your power.

YOU must do the work of internalizing new truth, making internal exchanges and stop giving your power away.  

DO IT! - fire up your resolve - connect to your passion - DO IT!

Alleged - Really?

Does it bug you like it does me?  The use of the word "alleged" when a perpetrator is identified? I understand the concept of our justice system - don't think it works well - but I understand the concept.  I don't think that the court jargon should be mandated outside the courtroom. 

An alleged victim - The alleged perpetrator - Are you serious?

We know the crime of sex abuse is shrouded in silence and secrecy.  That alone messes with someones perspective.  Then add to that the reality that the mother who volunteers at PTA, bakes cookies for the class parties and checks on the elderly neighbor is the same mother who comes in at night and molests!  Living in both worlds leaves a victim wondering if her truth is just an unfounded allegation.  Gut instincts become blurred and the loss of a major safety indicator; one's gut instincts, becomes crippled.

Don't get hung up on if your memories or experiences are validated.  That will stall your progress in restoration.  Whether it happened the way you remember or not is not the issue.  What it did to your heart and spirit is.

You know your truth!  You may never have it confirmed.  You may never have complete recall; but your know your truth!  You see the impact in your thinking, behaviors and heart. You know what happened to you.  And in that knowing, accepting it as fact, lies the power to undo the damage.