I still laugh with satisfaction as I recall a former co-worker saying to me, (in affection) "I think you like being a thorn in my life." My reply was, "what if I was sent to be that thorn for you?"
I didn't always grasp that this passion to disrupt the norm was part of my internal character - and that it is a good thing! I've always been inquisitive, asking lots of questions, trying to grasp what is in place and pondering, asking does what I see match what my heart tells me is reality.
I learned something about myself yesterday - yet again! As a child I was in touch with that ability to see beyond what is in front of me; and it was too difficult for me to handle. My passion, and ability to disrupt the norm was silenced as a result.
The atmosphere around me when I was growing up presented one way; but the reality was different. It appeared to be an encouraging and supporting atmosphere. It appeared to be a safe place. It appeared to be a place in which I could succeed and become. But my heart knew differently. The reallity was different. And I knew it deep inside. The awareness that what was being seen wasn't my reality was too much for my heart to manage. So I made a decision as a child to allow my mind to agree with what I saw - and ignore what I sensed was my reality. It worked while I was a child; it helped me silence the anguish and fear of living in an emotionally unsafe atmosphere.
But it is hurting me now.
My mind and my faith are in battle. My faith tells me that my circumstances, or what I see, is not the reality God has in place for me. My mind, because of a power of agreement I set in place as a child, accepts what I see and tries to figure out how to manage it. That cripples my ability to disrupt the norm! And that ability is core, God given and a necessary part of my assignment to shift the presence and impact of sex abuse in our world.
So today, I am shifting my power of agreement with my mind! I'm deciding that my mind will no longer stand as a protective defense against what I know as reality.
I am a disrupter! I'm equipped to disagree with what I see and bring forth reality!
Wow - more of my authentic identity released! That is RESTORATION!
WOW! Reading this was powerful for me! I can relate to the struggle between what is presented as reality and what is the truth about the reality I lived as a child and into my adulthood. What a great way to express this confusion that so many of us live in... God bless you
ReplyDeleteTerrific article Rebecca. To a degree, I think this describes how we grow in our faith. Everyday we have to deny what the world tells us is reality and accept the truth of God's reality.
ReplyDeleteFor you, Rebecca, I think you also have a prophetic gifting. A gifting that speaks truth into "the norm." You pull the blinders back from our eyes. Unfortunately, those with a prophetic voice aren't always appreciated. But you can be sure that God honors and loves that voice!