What is worth fighting for?

I heard this question today on the radio.  What is worth fighting for? I posted the question on Facebook and got some wonderful answers:  me, life, love, dignity, truth, justice.  All worth fighting for.

But my mind didn't stop with that question.  In tumbled additional thoughts:
1. So, fighting means there is an adversary - so who am I fighting when I choose to fight (as suggested), for me?

• I could be fighting restrictions from others.
• I could be fighting my internal thoughts.
• I could be fighting me.

Or if I'm fighting for dignity, or truth, who or what am I fighting?  You have to have some knowledge of the adversary.

2. If I choose to fight for any of the above mentioned things, what are my weapons?  What do I use; what is in my hands, my heart or my thoughts that will help me win this battle? You have to be equipped.

Pretty good questions!  Why ask them? 

Because every day I spend time with people fighting back. People who are living on a battlefield they didn't create.  People who now have to find the strength to identify what they are fighting for; who is the "enemy" and what weapon is needed to take out that enemy.  And it is exhausting!  And they need our support!

I remind them "you have to fight for it."  You have to want whatever "it" is more than you want to stay where you are.  You have to fight through the denial, the pain, the shame, the fears.  I remind them that they were created with power.  Inside them are the tools to win!  They have what they need to do the battle.  And I'll help them as they go.

Because it is SO worth fighting for!

Denial is not a safe place

Some things are really hard to know and accept as reality.  Who among us really wants to be faced with the ugliness and hurt of the world? Sex abuse falls into that category of "I don't want to know."  It is extremely difficult to acknowledge that it is present in our world - or even more difficult to acknowledge that it might have been in your world. 

That's why we so often choose denial!  It appears that denial brings relief from feeling the pain of an intolerable truth.  It appears that denial insulates you from being hurt again.  And it appears that through the glasses of denial you can move successfully through life.

And for a time, denial may accomplish all those things.  But not really.

The truth is still there, impacting your beliefs and thus your behaviors.  The emotions are still there, perhaps causing you digestive problems or severe headaches.  And most challenging, the thinking and behaviors adopted in trauma, and often not recognized, actually create vulnerability in your life.  Denial does not keep you safe. What do I mean? 

• Suppose you choose to deny the disregard you experienced in sex abuse. You now have no radar to recognize when you might be experiencing disregard in current relationships.
• Suppose you choose to deny that Uncle Jim molested you.  You now have no power to stay away from either the Uncle or anyone else who is unsafe.

Choosing to come out of denial and "know what you already know", provides power to live in authenticity. Knowledge is power.  That knowledge equips you to make decisions based on truth. You can make decisions that create safety and honor the value of you. Fears that may have haunted you are understood and conquered. The truth does set you free - to be a powerful you!

A Disrupter

I still laugh with satisfaction as I recall a former co-worker saying to me, (in affection) "I think you like being a thorn in my life."  My reply was, "what if I was sent to be that thorn for you?"

I didn't always grasp that this passion to disrupt the norm was part of my internal character - and that it is a good thing!  I've always been inquisitive, asking lots of questions, trying to grasp what is in place and pondering, asking does what I see match what my heart tells me is reality. 

I learned something about myself yesterday - yet again!  As a child I was in touch with that ability to see beyond what is in front of me; and it was too difficult for me to handle.  My passion, and ability to disrupt the norm was silenced as a result.

The atmosphere around me when I was growing up presented one way; but the reality was different.  It appeared to be an encouraging and supporting atmosphere.  It appeared to be a safe place.  It appeared to be a place in which I could succeed and become.  But my heart knew differently. The reallity was different. And I knew it deep inside. The awareness that what was being seen wasn't my reality was too much for my heart to manage.  So I made a decision as a child to allow my mind to agree with what I saw - and ignore what I sensed was my reality.  It worked while I was a child; it helped me silence the anguish and fear of living in an emotionally unsafe atmosphere.

But it is hurting me now.

My mind and my faith are in battle. My faith tells me that my circumstances, or what I see, is not the reality God has in place for me.  My mind, because of a power of agreement I set in place as a child, accepts what I see and tries to figure out how to manage it.  That cripples my ability to disrupt the norm! And that ability is core, God given and a necessary part of my assignment to shift the presence and impact of sex abuse in our world.

So today, I am shifting my power of agreement with my mind!  I'm deciding that my mind will no longer stand as a protective defense against what I know as reality.

I am a disrupter!  I'm equipped to disagree with what I see and bring forth reality! 
Wow - more of my authentic identity released!  That is RESTORATION!

Stay on the Path

Yesterday I took down the Christmas tree and "officially" closed the holiday season in my home.  I now face January; the start of 2014.  I'm standing at the head of a path, peering down into a new year and wondering.

Before me I see possibility and challenges. Sometimes more challenges than possibility!  I have a choice to make:  Do I focus on that looming challenging mountain, or do I look through the mountain to embrace and push through to reach the possibility?  Can I muster what it will take to overcome?  Where do I find the strength and hope needed to get through the obstacles I will face? 

And the answer resonates within my heart:  In my authentic identity!

I was created with a deep determination and an "I won't stop" attitude.  I also was created with a heart for God and a connection to His leading.  I determine today to tap into those aspects of my identity. That will give me what I need to stay on the path in 2014!

Join me in entering 2014 and keep in mind these things:
1.  Who you were created to be is exactly what you need to maneuver through what lies ahead.
2.  Don't let the obstacles ahead draw you off the path of your destiny!  Stand your ground.  Fight for it! Whatever is on your path is yours to overcome!  In overcoming you develop the key to open the next door to destiny.
3.  Don't settle and rest in the negative oppression of what you know or experience.  You were created for more and have what it takes to move into the new!  Your inheritance is secured on the path.
4.  When faced with a crossroad, be still, recalculate, look at the consequences and rewards at the junction.  Contemplate, reflect and choose with wisdom and strength.  Then you can move forward in confidence.

I will journey with you!  Stay connected! 
Happy New Year - Stay on the Path!

Creating, Sustaining or Destroying

First, thank you for reading this blog.  So much information is now available all the time; it can be a bit overwhelming and time consuming.  I appreciate you spending some time here.  :)

Do you remember the movie Groundhog Day?  Every day the central character would wake up to the same events.  Every day he went through the same routine experiencing things again and again.  Sometimes my life feels like that - getting up to do the same things again and again.  Sometimes it feels as if life is on autopilot and I have little power to shift things.  That's not true.

At Connections we teach about the "power of agreement."  When you align your thinking and your emotions with a concept, a belief or a behavior, then your personal energy, or personal power, is utilized to either create, sustain or destroy.  You are daily exercising personal power, even in your "groundhog day" life. 

It works like this.  You are either:

• Creating: Our definition of creativity is approaching a need, task, or an idea from a new perspective. And letting go of the old perspective. Don't like the way things are unfolding for you?  Create a new possibility. Shift your power of agreement away from what needs to shift and align with where you want to go.  You can open a new door by shifting your power of agreement.
• Sustaining: At the core of the groundhog day experience is keeping everything the same.  Often our power of agreement sustains the wounds and dysfunction that hurts.  We accept the belief that we can't change; or that we are unlovable, and the outcome that reinforces that belief is sustained. On the positive side, you can sustain the healthy aspects of your life as well by aligning your power of agreement in that direction.
• Destroying:  I have made a conscious decision to shift unhelpful legacies within my family.  Legacies are those often overlooked patterns of thinking or behaviors that are passed from generation to generation.  I no longer agree with the ones that stifle or hurt.  I'm shifting my power of agreement and destroying those hurtful legacies.

Yes, there are patterns that shape your life.  But you are not powerless!  You don't have to live a groundhog day life!

Carrying the Broken Pieces

I've got an idea about what I want to share with you.  I have a picture in my mind that I'm trying to describe - but when I ponder it, I experience a heaviness of heart that slows me down; because I know the picture is so real for so many people, including me.

None of us are perfect parents or siblings.  And none of us are perfect friends, wives or husbands. That leaves each of us, with at the very least, wounds of heart and more likely, broken pieces of self. Most of us hardly acknowledge the broken pieces.  We put one foot in front of the other, meeting the expectations of life and just keep going. Carrying the broken pieces of ourselves with us as if there is no alternative.

The picture I'm pondering is just that. Unacknowledged disregard, the unexpressed emotional pain of rejection; the secret of sex abuse and its accompanying impact. All broken pieces carried inside.  The heaviness of that burden robs us of joy, contentment, connection and fulfillment.

I want to shift that picture.  You can shift that picture. It hurts more to not acknowledge and process your reality than it does to know your reality and move through it fully engaged. That is a truth I understand personally and professionally.

Oh my!  As I envision all of us advancing through restoration and healing the broken pieces of self, the picture does change.  And our world changes as all the amazing aspects of you are reinstated, they become available to unlock the treasure you carry.  You have a unique contribution we all need!

The core skills of restoration:  recognizing, internalizing, the power of agreement and responsibility are the tools to change the broken pieces into wholeness.  Join us as we journey.  We need the treasure of you!

Where love begins

I first saw Teagan, my dog, from a distance.  She was living on a hill of dirt, chained to a makeshift dog house.  I was drawn to her circumstance and walked over to meet her.  I sat down next to her and she crawled into my lap, shaking and grateful.  We were bonded in that moment.

How did that instant connection and sense of love and belonging happen?  Teagan, who had been denied her freedom, had no reason to trust any person.  I actually was in a similar state. I was alone and experience had taught me to be cautious about connection and needing someone.   And yet, there it was; that sense that I needed her and she needed me.  And together we could fill that need.

As hard as we try to ignore it or deny it, we are created with a deep need to be loved and to love.  Love begins in the created heart.  It is a core part of us.  We are created with a need to connect to love and with the capacity to give love. The design was that our families would be the place of experiencing that accepting and nourishing love.  That doesn't always happen.

Families riddled with sex abuse distort and deny authentic love.  The victim is left to learn how to trust love, how to recognize authentic love and how to express it.  A tough assignment for sure!

Hope can be found in the fact that within your created heart and spirit is an imparted knowledge of what authentic love is.  When you do the challenging work of recognizing the distortion of love you experienced; acknowledge the pain of it and exchange the deceitful representation for the authentic reality, you can live out of where love begins.