Birthing Wisdom

"I am so excited about what you are experiencing."  I know it sounds funny when I say it. I even cringe sometimes, because I say that when I'm sitting with someone who has just understood a difficult truth about the life she has lived. 

She has paid a great cost to arrive at that truth.  It comes wrapped in pain and discomfort.  Its companion, denial, has worked hard to keep the truth from being revealed and explored. Your truth provides wisdom.  I don't know of any other way to unlock that truth than to unwrap the pain and labor through the obstacles to birth the wisdom that will set you free.

Obstacles such as denial, fear, the expectations of others and your own emotions can trick you into thinking you 'can't."  Each obstacle holds its own wisdom.

• Denial - The stance that once "protected" you, is now the doorway to the answers to the questions that keep you wondering "why?"
• Fear - A legitimate emotion that hovers over either truth of experience or unhealthy adaptations made to create a sense of safety or control.
• Expectation of others - Wisdom here is gained in being able to identify safe or unsafe people as you unpack those experiences.
• Your emotions - Provide an opportunity to explain what you are experiencing and explore deeper beliefs that drive emotional reactions.

Wisdom is found in self knowledge and self confrontation.  You hold the secrets to changing what you want to change. You can't fix what you don't know, and you can't shift what you're not willing to confront. 

Only you can decide if you are willing to do the labor of birthing your own wisdom.
I hope you do!



  

What is worth fighting for?

I heard this question today on the radio.  What is worth fighting for? I posted the question on Facebook and got some wonderful answers:  me, life, love, dignity, truth, justice.  All worth fighting for.

But my mind didn't stop with that question.  In tumbled additional thoughts:
1. So, fighting means there is an adversary - so who am I fighting when I choose to fight (as suggested), for me?

• I could be fighting restrictions from others.
• I could be fighting my internal thoughts.
• I could be fighting me.

Or if I'm fighting for dignity, or truth, who or what am I fighting?  You have to have some knowledge of the adversary.

2. If I choose to fight for any of the above mentioned things, what are my weapons?  What do I use; what is in my hands, my heart or my thoughts that will help me win this battle? You have to be equipped.

Pretty good questions!  Why ask them? 

Because every day I spend time with people fighting back. People who are living on a battlefield they didn't create.  People who now have to find the strength to identify what they are fighting for; who is the "enemy" and what weapon is needed to take out that enemy.  And it is exhausting!  And they need our support!

I remind them "you have to fight for it."  You have to want whatever "it" is more than you want to stay where you are.  You have to fight through the denial, the pain, the shame, the fears.  I remind them that they were created with power.  Inside them are the tools to win!  They have what they need to do the battle.  And I'll help them as they go.

Because it is SO worth fighting for!

Denial is not a safe place

Some things are really hard to know and accept as reality.  Who among us really wants to be faced with the ugliness and hurt of the world? Sex abuse falls into that category of "I don't want to know."  It is extremely difficult to acknowledge that it is present in our world - or even more difficult to acknowledge that it might have been in your world. 

That's why we so often choose denial!  It appears that denial brings relief from feeling the pain of an intolerable truth.  It appears that denial insulates you from being hurt again.  And it appears that through the glasses of denial you can move successfully through life.

And for a time, denial may accomplish all those things.  But not really.

The truth is still there, impacting your beliefs and thus your behaviors.  The emotions are still there, perhaps causing you digestive problems or severe headaches.  And most challenging, the thinking and behaviors adopted in trauma, and often not recognized, actually create vulnerability in your life.  Denial does not keep you safe. What do I mean? 

• Suppose you choose to deny the disregard you experienced in sex abuse. You now have no radar to recognize when you might be experiencing disregard in current relationships.
• Suppose you choose to deny that Uncle Jim molested you.  You now have no power to stay away from either the Uncle or anyone else who is unsafe.

Choosing to come out of denial and "know what you already know", provides power to live in authenticity. Knowledge is power.  That knowledge equips you to make decisions based on truth. You can make decisions that create safety and honor the value of you. Fears that may have haunted you are understood and conquered. The truth does set you free - to be a powerful you!

Creating, Sustaining or Destroying

First, thank you for reading this blog.  So much information is now available all the time; it can be a bit overwhelming and time consuming.  I appreciate you spending some time here.  :)

Do you remember the movie Groundhog Day?  Every day the central character would wake up to the same events.  Every day he went through the same routine experiencing things again and again.  Sometimes my life feels like that - getting up to do the same things again and again.  Sometimes it feels as if life is on autopilot and I have little power to shift things.  That's not true.

At Connections we teach about the "power of agreement."  When you align your thinking and your emotions with a concept, a belief or a behavior, then your personal energy, or personal power, is utilized to either create, sustain or destroy.  You are daily exercising personal power, even in your "groundhog day" life. 

It works like this.  You are either:

• Creating: Our definition of creativity is approaching a need, task, or an idea from a new perspective. And letting go of the old perspective. Don't like the way things are unfolding for you?  Create a new possibility. Shift your power of agreement away from what needs to shift and align with where you want to go.  You can open a new door by shifting your power of agreement.
• Sustaining: At the core of the groundhog day experience is keeping everything the same.  Often our power of agreement sustains the wounds and dysfunction that hurts.  We accept the belief that we can't change; or that we are unlovable, and the outcome that reinforces that belief is sustained. On the positive side, you can sustain the healthy aspects of your life as well by aligning your power of agreement in that direction.
• Destroying:  I have made a conscious decision to shift unhelpful legacies within my family.  Legacies are those often overlooked patterns of thinking or behaviors that are passed from generation to generation.  I no longer agree with the ones that stifle or hurt.  I'm shifting my power of agreement and destroying those hurtful legacies.

Yes, there are patterns that shape your life.  But you are not powerless!  You don't have to live a groundhog day life!