Bold Transforming Power

I started this year with a challenge to my OneHealth/Vivarae community.  Don't make a resolution that will only result in guilt when you can't accomplish it.  Rather, come up with three words to guide you throughout the year.  I realized I hadn't given any thought to create my own.  So I sat down this week and made a stab at it.

This is what I came up with:  Bold Transforming Power

I'm excited to embrace these words as it reflects my passion to shift the status quo in which I live.  I embrace change and know the value and potential found in new solutions. Thus, I dedicate my life to pushing against traditional answers to how we heal from and stop sex abuse.  

In our culture new technology is embraced swiftly.  People don't resist the latest i-phone. Actually they stand in line to get it.  Will it impact their life in a positive way?  Perhaps, perhaps not.  Yet, we change and adapt to technology without much resistance.  

But present a new mindset and call for a cultural change in our thinking - when it absolutely would result in positive things - and the resistance is loud and vocal. That's why I'm embracing Bold Transforming Power as my mantra for the year.  

Here is my first installment for you.  It's time to move beyond traditional prevention thinking.  It's time to shift into Primary Prevention of Sex Abuse - meaning do something to stop it before it happens.  

Let's play Jenga - Let's take out the foundational cultural mindsets that contribute to sexual assault and topple this atrocity! Some examples: 

• Call out those who by their comments create a sexualized environment.
•  Get involved in shifting the disparity in gender equality.
•  Identify and challenge masculinity stereotypes and disrespect of women and children. 

We are not powerless to change perceptions! It's time!

Be your own Hero

Over the holiday I watched a movie (twice actually!) called, "The Four Minute Mile" that reflected the paradigm about authentic identity that I breathe and live.  In short, it is about a young boy in a difficult family dynamic who loves to run and aspires to be great at it.  He connects to a coach who sees he has been trying to run the wrong race and helps him grasp that he is designed to run the mile, not the 400.  He calls forth identity in this young man.

As the young man is training and attempting to connect to the ability to run the mile, the coach says to him:

      "You got something so deep in there.  Face that fear and beat it.  If you face that fear
        it will change your life.  It will be the hardest thing to do.  There will be the moment
        you can't breathe. Push through it!  It's beautiful!"

Oh my!  This is the restoration journey!  Finding what you were created to be, identifying the obstacles, and pushing through to the beautiful place of "being".

This week at Connections we are looking at being your own hero.  That's what it means!
A hero is someone who goes through a great change!  Reconnecting to authentic identity is that great change!  Facing whatever is in the way and plowing through it is the key!

As we start this new year my deep desire for us all is that we become our own hero!

Let's journey together and do it!

Our Connections Family

The weeks of Christmas and the New Year are typically weeks that I step back from the daily routine and rest and reflect.  Wise business people tell me that it is a time to reflect on the past year and set goals and direction for the coming year.

I'm having trouble with that.

I could list for you all the things I've done.  All the places I've spoken, the displays I've manned, the groups I've facilitated, the sessions I've sat in as I work to address the issue of sex abuse.  (Actually as I look at the list it is no wonder I need this time to rest).

But those things aren't what are dancing in my mind's eye and heart.

For what I see as the real treasure of the year are the people who embrace the heart of our work and unearth the treasures inside themselves!

• I see them trusting us, including us in their lives!  
• I see the discovery of their uniqueness exploding.
• I see the women who return each year to our Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations.
• I see the traditions established in our community and know they bring stability.
• I see the weddings I've been invited to as part of the family.  
• I see the women now out of state who still connect.  
• I see the Connections "grandchildren" growing up
• I see a special sense of humor that only Connections can experience.   

And I experience and embrace the meaning of family.

I am so grateful for you all.  You make my life count.  

Merry Christmas to the Connections Family!  

May the Presence embrace you with peace and comfort!

Love you, Rebecca

I Saw Her Become

I'd been weeping most of the morning when I finally followed my own advise, and asked, "why am I so emotional?"  I knew that attending the play, "Celebrated Silence" last night had moved me.  But, come on, I know the impact of groping and what it does to lives. Why was it echoing inside me still?
I remember the day Anisha, sitting in our Advance! course, asked me, "Is groping really sex abuse?" "Absolutely!" I replied. "Sex abuse is about what it does to someones heart and soul." Anisha looked at me with shock. The worksheets were revelation to her as she began to uncover the deep impact of realizing how having been groped had shifted her thinking and behavior patterns.  Anisha completed the course.

When I went on my own restoration journey years ago, I stepped into my destiny and Connections was birthed.  My passion lies in giving victims of sex abuse tools to conquer the impact of trauma and move into living out of authentic identity where destiny lies.

Last night, I watched Anisha walk into destiny!  And I was shaken at my core.  My tears were not about the reality she shared, as challenging as the content was.  But my tears were at seeing someone do the hard work of restoration, reclaim their authentic identity and walk into purpose.

You see, she wrote and starred in the play.  "Celebrated Silence" is about the personal damage of groping and offers a challenge to each of us, who in our denial of outrage, celebrates keeping victims silent. Through restoration she unlocked her passion.  She left her profession as a doctor and established All Shades Theater, a theater group designed to start conversations about difficult issues. She moved out into destiny!

Someone who will see that play also carries inside a locked destiny. Perhaps it is the destiny designed to help us really take down sex abuse as a way of life in our culture.  That play has purpose woven into it.

One more thing Anisha did last night.  Two weeks ago she contacted me to tell me about the play. She acknowledged that it was the Advance! course that started her journey.  She invited me to participate in the evening so that she could give recognition to Connections.  Today as I explored my emotions, I was reminded of the story of Jesus healing the 10 lepers, and how 1 came back to thank Him.  Anisha was doing that - she was thanking God for helping her conquer trauma and unlock the destiny she carries.

I was one of the first to see her backstage and we held each other and cried.  She gave me the gift of seeing my walk in destiny be multiplied and bring forth fruit, because she stepped into hers.

15 year ago I made significant changes in my life to open the doors of Connections. Anisha walked through those doors, did the hard work, and now will do even more than I did. Anisha leaves in January for India where she will present the play.  Upon returning, she will share "Celebrated Silence" around the United States and unleash a movement.

I am so humbled, proud and grateful.  My cup runneth over.  Thank you Anisha!

Compassion Redefined

You've seen them - the commercials about abandoned and hurt dogs.  I have to turn them off.  Those sights and sounds tap into my compassion and compel me to go to the local SPCA.  I can't take in another dog!  The commercial is very effective.  We respond from the heart and want to fix the problem.  We are spurred into action, either we write a check, volunteer or go to the pound.

Now refocus on a news report about the latest arrest for the sexual violation of a child. You may have to turn that off as well.  And look away.  Not out of compassion, however, but out of fear and denial. We take no action at all.

This post is a call to exercise compassion in a new way!

Next time you see a report of sex abuse, or think of someone you know who has experienced the trauma, don't look away.  Look through eyes of compassion!  Silence your fears and take a hard look at what is happening around you. We are not powerless over this issue! Consider this:

1. Recognize and have compassion for the victim! Somewhere the victim is reeling.  Trying to make sense of what happened.  Wondering what to do next and how to overcome the reality of trauma.

2. Turn compassion into action!

• Write a letter to a judge or prosecutor who is involved in the news report you saw. Ask them to do everything they can to hold that perpetrator responsible.
• Attend any event you can to gain skills to be proactive and learn how to address the reality of sex abuse in our community.
• Begin to recognize how the use of language in ads or television contribute to a climate of objectifying women and children. Point it out and do something to challenge it.
• Support those of us who are on the front lines.  Provide a scholarship for counseling.  Ask what you can do to help their efforts.

Let your heart be touched by the reality of sex abuse.  

Connect to your compassion and then ACT!

Sensitivity Hijacked

Restoration - becoming all you were created capable of being!

We have this amazing sheet art piece, the "Handprint Banner", on which victims of sex abuse have written about how sex abuse impacted them.  Central to many of the statements is the question, "Who am I?"  Thus, core to our restoration model is the process of reconnecting to parts of identity by removing any disregard or damage done to them.

We typically start by exploring character qualities - we all have them and can be discovered pretty quickly.  Character qualities are those guiding principles behind the scene.  They can be impacted by sex abuse and require some adjustment.

This week we have explored sensitivity.  Sensitivity is an awareness and understanding of how other people are feeling. The victim of sex abuse absolutely has sensitivity - an often heightened and distorted sense of sensitivity.  For example she is sensitive to:

• The nuances of the perpetrator:  They are sensitive to such things as movements and breathing; always vigilant to sense the mood shifts in anticipation of the actions of the person who hurts them.
• The nuances of even "safe people".  On guard to protect themselves from rejection or possible hurt, they are sensitive to body language, i.e. facial expressions, breathing, tone; anticipating what they might need to do to protect themselves.
• The escape route in the room:  Sensitive to where the door is, perhaps choosing to face it in order to have a sense of power.
• Sensitive to read people in a room; who appears to be a danger; who might be safe.

The character quality of sensitivity was designed to create intimacy and connection.  The appropriate use of sensitivity allows me to recognize your emotional state and need so that I can meet you there; so that we can feel connected.  Sensitivity was not designed to be a means of discerning danger.

When the victim of sex abuse does the work of recognizing how a character trait has been hijacked, they then have power to shift it - clean it off - and gain the freedom to connect to their authentic identity in the purpose and design in which it was formed.

Freedom to have access to all aspects of identity and live out of their authentic purpose is AMAZING!

I don't need these anymore!

"I have something to give you," she said as she withdrew these rocks from her purse.  "Remember when we did that activity with writing the negative things we believed about our self?  These are from that activity; I saved them. I've held on to them and felt the heaviness of them. But I don't need them anymore - I've shifted these beliefs, they don't belong to me!"

AWESOME!  We celebrated and congratulated her!

It absolutely is possible to conquer the impact of childhood sex abuse!  Utilizing the tools of Restoration, you can be restored to your authentic identity and become all you were created capable of being.  The core tools are:

Recognize:  Work on hearing what you say and what you do that stems from trauma, and see the impact of sex abuse playing out in your life.  Recognize the negative messages and the positive messages.

Power of Agreement: Whatever you agree with, your energy and focus empowers.  You have the power to shift from aligning with negative beliefs to aligning with positive beliefs.

Internalize:  That means you intentionally make a part of your thinking the positives and the truths necessary to defeat the thinking that negates and hurts you.

Exchange:  When you've recognized the negative, and been exposed to the alternate positives, you consciously exchange the old for the new.

Responsibility:  Ultimately you have to take responsibility to do this hard work.  Only you can do it!

Our Advance! Workbook gives you a taste of how to utilize these tools. I'm excited to tell you that now, if you don't live in the Cincinnati area to participate in our group - you can now GET THE COURSE ON LINE!

Check out the free video and worksheet and order it here:  CLICK HERE