I'm sure you've seen the coverage of the Shuler trial, a 33 year old teacher convicted of molesting 5 boys at her school. Two of the parents of the boys molested testified as to the impact on their sons. Through tears they talked about depression, not trusting authority and interruption of college plans. This trauma indeed will impact these boys until they work through the beliefs they have acquired and processed the emotional response of sexual assault.
How proud I am of these boys who came forward and testified - how awful that they had to! And how proud I am of the parents who named the reality!
Shuler hid behind alcohol and bi-polar as the reason for sexually assaulting these boys. Thank goodness the judge saw through it and held her responsible. Nothing but the person who stalks, primes and perpetrates is responsible.
It is time we face this issue head on - what is it about our culture that thinks our children are fair game for personal gratification with no regard for them? And as the spirit of these boys has been devastated on so many levels, is 4 years of her life away in prison enough of a penalty? She most likely will be released before the entire sentence is served.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
What it's all about!
Somedays I wonder what this journey I'm on is all about. I suppose that question is the fall-out from the work I do. I have both the privilege and the heaviness of hearing about some of the deepest pain anyone can endure. And somedays I wonder what "it's" all about - can I really change the way people are treated? Can I really help heal the damage; or shift a cultural thinking? What is it all about?!?
And then I spend some valuable time with my young grandchildren and look into their trusting eyes and reaching arms and I know what it's all about. I have to do the hard work of restoration, of becoming all I was created capable of being, so that they can! I've got to leave a legacy that affords them the space in which to thrive in their authentic identity and impact the world as only they can.
Not one of us escapes hurtful words and actions that leave us wounded and sometimes scarred. We accept the messages that lessen our value and undermine our self-respect, often redirecting our divine destiny. We can't let that happen! As hard as it is, we have to work to connect to the truth of who we are.
The journey is about connecting to our authentic identity to accomplish the purpose our presence provides! And it is worth it! My grandbaby's eyes say so.
And then I spend some valuable time with my young grandchildren and look into their trusting eyes and reaching arms and I know what it's all about. I have to do the hard work of restoration, of becoming all I was created capable of being, so that they can! I've got to leave a legacy that affords them the space in which to thrive in their authentic identity and impact the world as only they can.
Not one of us escapes hurtful words and actions that leave us wounded and sometimes scarred. We accept the messages that lessen our value and undermine our self-respect, often redirecting our divine destiny. We can't let that happen! As hard as it is, we have to work to connect to the truth of who we are.
The journey is about connecting to our authentic identity to accomplish the purpose our presence provides! And it is worth it! My grandbaby's eyes say so.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Why the Resistance to Change?
The old quote, "you can't teach old dogs new tricks" isn't true for people! I'm living proof! I remember the day before computers - and now I'm dependent upon them. Do I feel foolish sometimes as I try to maneuver through the ever changing technology? ABSOLUTELY YES! Do I resist the changes? MOST OF THE TIME! (My best friend will tell you how I dragged my heels about getting an Ipod - she finally bought it for me!) But do I eventually go for it? ALWAYS!
Even more important than pushing through the changes necessary in our technological world is pushing through the hard work of changing your core beliefs, thinking patterns and resulting behaviors! And wow do we resist that change! But if you want to live the life you were meant to live, you have to CHANGE!
That's why restoration is so important! Restoration is more than recovery - Restoration is being restored back to the potential of who you were created to be! And that process requires a hard look at and confrontation of what you have been told about self, appropriated as self and lived out of.
When you consider that type of deep level change, you will most likely be accompanied by fear. Questions rise up to build a blockade: "What will my family and friends think?" "How will I manage life, and make decisions? This way makes sense; doesn't work, but it makes sense." "I don't know who I am without this thinking."
I get it! Those questions can make you tremble and stop moving forward. Oh - please don't give those questions more power than the power that lies inside you to change and become! You have deep in your core the handprint of your creator who gives you what you need to connect to your authentic identity! Don't miss it!
Even more important than pushing through the changes necessary in our technological world is pushing through the hard work of changing your core beliefs, thinking patterns and resulting behaviors! And wow do we resist that change! But if you want to live the life you were meant to live, you have to CHANGE!
That's why restoration is so important! Restoration is more than recovery - Restoration is being restored back to the potential of who you were created to be! And that process requires a hard look at and confrontation of what you have been told about self, appropriated as self and lived out of.
When you consider that type of deep level change, you will most likely be accompanied by fear. Questions rise up to build a blockade: "What will my family and friends think?" "How will I manage life, and make decisions? This way makes sense; doesn't work, but it makes sense." "I don't know who I am without this thinking."
I get it! Those questions can make you tremble and stop moving forward. Oh - please don't give those questions more power than the power that lies inside you to change and become! You have deep in your core the handprint of your creator who gives you what you need to connect to your authentic identity! Don't miss it!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Being a thorn - Go Beyond Prevention
I remember with fondness the time someone looked at me, and with joking respect said, "You like being a thorn, don't you?" Apparently my critical thinking skills are highly developed because I seem to regularly challenge the norms. And I do like it! Guess it is part of how I was made.
It's interesting to me that critical thinking that leads to creativity is not challenged when it comes to technology and new inventions, but is challenged when it comes to personal beliefs and mental health issues. I know that life seems easier and often safer when we settle into a way of thinking and behaving. It is soooo very difficult to experience the uneasiness that happens when something we held onto for meaning and safety is questioned. I get it!
My latest "new thinking" is to question the word prevention, and how that word has actually created an "acceptance" of the presence of sex abuse. Here's my thinking: prevention says, "this horror is present in our community, but we are going to try and keep it from touching you." When I thought that through, I became uncomfortable with the norm. I'm moving from prevention to annihilation.
So, I'm working to gather a core group of people to help me wrestle that through and develop a Zero Tolerance Initiative. I find it challenging and exciting. We can do so much more!
It's interesting to me that critical thinking that leads to creativity is not challenged when it comes to technology and new inventions, but is challenged when it comes to personal beliefs and mental health issues. I know that life seems easier and often safer when we settle into a way of thinking and behaving. It is soooo very difficult to experience the uneasiness that happens when something we held onto for meaning and safety is questioned. I get it!
My latest "new thinking" is to question the word prevention, and how that word has actually created an "acceptance" of the presence of sex abuse. Here's my thinking: prevention says, "this horror is present in our community, but we are going to try and keep it from touching you." When I thought that through, I became uncomfortable with the norm. I'm moving from prevention to annihilation.
So, I'm working to gather a core group of people to help me wrestle that through and develop a Zero Tolerance Initiative. I find it challenging and exciting. We can do so much more!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sex abuse is NOT a relationship!
I actually screamed at the computer when I really would have liked to act out a scene in the old Mary Tyler Moore show where she would storm into the editor's office, lean across his desk screaming. TWO articles in our local newspapers referred to the two year sex abuse of a minor as a "relationship", a "sexual relationship", and "alleged sexual relationship." I was mad - so I fired off several emails in protest.
When the media uses such words it implies that the victim is complicit in the assault and it negates the destructive impact of sex abuse. When we use such minimizing language, we allow our culture to stay in denial. They can step back from the fear that sex abuse could happen to someone they love, because after all it was in "relationship" and they would never be in that kind of relationship. This language makes sex abuse "appear" to be less invasive and reduces the crime to an "acceptable" level that happens somewhere else.
This use of language such as, it was a "relationship", also assists in victim blaming. There is a sense that if she was in a "relationship" she participated and could have gotten out of it. So she feels responsible somehow. And we perpetuate that my accepting the use of this language.
Let's think critically. Let's really hear what is being said. Let's change our language!
When the media uses such words it implies that the victim is complicit in the assault and it negates the destructive impact of sex abuse. When we use such minimizing language, we allow our culture to stay in denial. They can step back from the fear that sex abuse could happen to someone they love, because after all it was in "relationship" and they would never be in that kind of relationship. This language makes sex abuse "appear" to be less invasive and reduces the crime to an "acceptable" level that happens somewhere else.
This use of language such as, it was a "relationship", also assists in victim blaming. There is a sense that if she was in a "relationship" she participated and could have gotten out of it. So she feels responsible somehow. And we perpetuate that my accepting the use of this language.
Let's think critically. Let's really hear what is being said. Let's change our language!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
New Theme Song for Me!
Last week I hobbled my way into the Doctor's office hoping that he would release me to put weight on my repaired ankle. While waiting for the appointment, my mind was rehearsing the Diana Ross song, "I'm Coming Out" over and over. I'm sure it was not only a hopeful but prophetic song, because I was
released to walk again!
Why the new theme song? This whole ankle breaking thing has been quite an experience. Just at the time I'm starting a new movement: "Zero Tolerance", my ankle gets broken! Are you kidding me? The good news: I've been changed from the inside out and I've got great new biceps from using a walker! Ha! I had lots of time for personal reflection as I was forced to sit most of the time. Listening to webcasts and reading provided an avenue for an even deeper inner transformation and strengthening of purpose. I'm coming out of this experience with new resolve to stand my ground and bring the challenging message of moving beyond prevention to Zero Tolerance. And I will need this new strength!
The song has a great drum beat that announces a change, then she belts out: I'm coming out - I want the world to know; got to let it show. There's a new me coming out and I just have to live! This time around I'm going to do it like you never knew it!" Get ready world - Rebecca is coming out of this experience with new strength!
Here we go: It is time we stop relying on prevention models for addressing sex abuse. Prevention means, "this awful crime exists, but I'm going to try and prevent it from getting you." That actually means that we are accepting it's presence. ZERO TOLERANCE says, "Oh no you don't! We are closing that door. Go to Facebook, search "Zero Tolerance Now! Protect Kids" and like our new page!
released to walk again!
Why the new theme song? This whole ankle breaking thing has been quite an experience. Just at the time I'm starting a new movement: "Zero Tolerance", my ankle gets broken! Are you kidding me? The good news: I've been changed from the inside out and I've got great new biceps from using a walker! Ha! I had lots of time for personal reflection as I was forced to sit most of the time. Listening to webcasts and reading provided an avenue for an even deeper inner transformation and strengthening of purpose. I'm coming out of this experience with new resolve to stand my ground and bring the challenging message of moving beyond prevention to Zero Tolerance. And I will need this new strength!
The song has a great drum beat that announces a change, then she belts out: I'm coming out - I want the world to know; got to let it show. There's a new me coming out and I just have to live! This time around I'm going to do it like you never knew it!" Get ready world - Rebecca is coming out of this experience with new strength!
Here we go: It is time we stop relying on prevention models for addressing sex abuse. Prevention means, "this awful crime exists, but I'm going to try and prevent it from getting you." That actually means that we are accepting it's presence. ZERO TOLERANCE says, "Oh no you don't! We are closing that door. Go to Facebook, search "Zero Tolerance Now! Protect Kids" and like our new page!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Authentic Identity is SO Important!
Once, years ago, someone I respect turned to me in a playful respectful manner and said, "You just love being a thorn don't you?" I've chuckled over that statement many times and enjoyed it! Because honestly, that is part of my authentic identity. I was created with a side of me that loves to push against the status quo and challenge people with new ways of thinking. I don't do this to be mean; but to bump people into new creative possbilities for themselves and our world.
That's why I work so hard to advance the thought of restoration. Restoration is not just a fresh word to be used to replace the words of healing or recovery. Restoration is a pathway to reconnect to authentic identity - to connect to all you were created capable of being. It indeed goes beyond the recovery model. And it is hard work for sure!
My authentic identity includes my skills, talents, passions, personality, quirks, purpose and hopes. I am not what has been done to me! I am not what others assign to me! I'm not what others project on to me! It is so important to clean off these assignments and beliefs and walk out of authentic identity because the aspects of the authentic me are exactly what I need to fulfill my purpose! Now you tell me, if I didn't have that "thorn" part of me, would I be able to do the work I do to address the issue of sex abuse?!? Don't think so.
http://www.beyondrecoverytorestoration.com/
That's why I work so hard to advance the thought of restoration. Restoration is not just a fresh word to be used to replace the words of healing or recovery. Restoration is a pathway to reconnect to authentic identity - to connect to all you were created capable of being. It indeed goes beyond the recovery model. And it is hard work for sure!
My authentic identity includes my skills, talents, passions, personality, quirks, purpose and hopes. I am not what has been done to me! I am not what others assign to me! I'm not what others project on to me! It is so important to clean off these assignments and beliefs and walk out of authentic identity because the aspects of the authentic me are exactly what I need to fulfill my purpose! Now you tell me, if I didn't have that "thorn" part of me, would I be able to do the work I do to address the issue of sex abuse?!? Don't think so.
http://www.beyondrecoverytorestoration.com/
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